Sick and at home

I had to call in sick today -- at first I was feeling a bit guilty because:

a) I told my boss I had severe food poisoning, which is technically untrue... but what else could I tell my MALE boss? That I have debilitating menstural cramps that render me practically unable to move? Not likely. My new work environment is too male-laden to start with and the last thing I need is to be seen as a 'weak' female with 'woman's troubles'. And in any case, the part about throwing up and stuff is not technically untrue. I just have this huge guilt thing when it comes to being honest.

and

b) When I first decided to stay home, my cramps weren't as bad as they've ever been or anything... They were there and, more than anything, I was TERRIFIED they'd grow and catch me off guard at the office despite any amount of drugs I pumped into my system. It's happened before.

By now, of course, all my guilt's completely GONE, because by mid-morning, I did have HORRIBLE pain, more nausea and other tummy ickiness.

Pain is so tiring. I actually spent the bulk of the morning in bed, and when the drugs finally kicked in, I managed to drift off for a few minutes.

I feel better now. About everything. I may not be in as much pain as this morning (I'm on a lot more drugs, too), but it was DEFINITELY a wise decision to stay home, comfortable, warm. With tea and ibuprofen extra-strength and a heating pad right at arm's length. Sometimes a short walk in the cold air can be enough to aggravate the pain.

I'm glad I'm home. And given the amount of discomfort I was in last night and this morning's agony, I'm sure I'll be fine tonight, when it's happy dance time. And if I'm not. Well, I'll come back home.

The truth is, as glad as i am to have chosen home this morning, if I had been tortuously busy and felt desperately needed at work, I probably would have pumped myself full of drugs from the start (likely more than the recommended maximum dose), and I'd gone to the office. Being as it is, that yesterday I did absolutely NOTHING, that I'm so underused and underappreciated, I figured a day's absence would hardly be the end of anyone's world.

Good choice, given the pain I was in this morning!

I need a better job, you know? With equal pay, but that makes me feel like I'm in fact appreciated and that my talents are growing, instead of being buried, ignored and going virtually unused.

Yeah... The pay is good, but I just need it for now. Hopefully I can manage myself well enough (despite the purchase of Serendipity and the ensuing debt) and can find something better for me in every sense in the not-so-far off future.

But for now, on I stay.

I need the money.

And ultimately, if my immediate superiors don't see what they've got because they've never really bothered to find out, well, that's their loss. In the end, I still get paid. I'm bored to death practically every day, but I'm obviously not in this job for the oodles of fun and warm fuzzy feelings left by the work I do. I'm here to recover financially, pay for Serendipity and -- hopefully -- save enough money to go see my folks more often than every 6 years.