The Saddest Thing in the World

Widowhood.

Maybe it's the romantic in me, but I can hardly think of anything more heartbreaking that losing your life's partner. Especially if you're not elderly yet. I mean, you choose this person, one single person in all the world to grow old with and then, one day, you find out they have a fatal illness. Or they die in a freak accident. Or whatever. The point is, you're never going to wake up by their side ever again. And, if you have kids, well, you're left with the grief of your loss, plus your kids' grief, plus the grief of having to bring up the young ones on your own.

My hero, my number one role model is a woman whom I've worked for in the past and whose first name is Jean. She is everything I want to be 'when I grow up' -- strong, capable, motivated, extremely smart and articulate, compassionate, but not sentimental, and possessed of a very clear, very strong sense of what's right and wrong.

A few months ago I found out that her husband, a total sweetheart of a man, had just been diagnosed with a fulminating cancer of the esophagus. The prognosis was awful from day one -- the cancer had mestastisised already and doctors were pretty much saying all they could do was take measures to try and keep the poor guy as 'comfortable' as possible.

He's lasted longer than anyone thought he would. I even saw him briefly a few months ago, up and about. He didn't look 'ill' per se, but he didn't look like he used to. For one thing, the inevitable weight loss from the big C was clearly upon him.

Anyway, just a few weeks ago (two? three?), he took a very sudden turn for the worse, poor guy. I don't know the details and I don't want to pry, but by the sounds of it, it seems that it's just a matter of time now...

My heart hurts so much just to think about it, about this horrible time Jean and her sons must be going through. Jean is such a strong, wonderful woman, but this has got to be the worst thing she's ever faced. I cannot think of anything sadder than losing her life's partner.

I have this overwhelming desire to do something for them -- I don't know what. In fact, I don't even know if I can do anything at all. I mean, it seems like Rick is doomed. And it's not like Jean and I are friends per se. I just have this huge amount of respect for her, and this almost unbearable sympathy, is all. Plus, both she and Rick helped me so much when I needed it, 5 years ago. And I haven't forgotten. I think I'd like to send them a basket of fruit or something, but I'm a moron when it comes to these things... what do you say in a situation like that? What do you even write in a card?

"Sorry you're dying. It's a horrible loss for the world."

Of course not, I know. But, in a nutshell, that's what I'm really-really feeling.

I don't even know why, but this has really, really been troubling me since I heard about Rick's turn for the worse. Like I said, it's not like we're close friends or anything. It's just... They're such nice, good, good, good people and they've been kind to me in the past and... My heart does hurt for them. I wish I was exagerating, but no: I am really troubled and saddened and wanting to do something and feeling like I can't. Because no matter what I do, it won't change a thing.

Life sucks.